Jack’s Birth Story

Quick little trigger warning - Graphic detail of postpartum thoughts of harm towards baby. And potentially graphic birth photos

I became pregnant with my son in June of 2019, after a two week long road trip with my best friend. We had been joking the entire time about how it would be hilarious if we got pregnant and had our kiddos at the same time. Well… we must have been saying so many times that whoever out there was like “Got you loud and clear! Two babies coming up!”

Myself unaware of what was coming after this road trip

It was shocking, to say the least, when I did find out I was pregnant (even though I wasn’t truthfully preventing it well.) I sat on the toilet and cried, panicking about what my parents were going to think (as I was and still am very much a momma and daddy’s girl.) So I went to my mom crying and told her and then called my boyfriend (now husband) to tell him the news.

Later on my best friend found out that she was expecting as well… and we ended up having “due dates” one right after the other. Mine was February 28th and hers was February 29th (go leap year babies!).

We both went on to having low key pregnancies. The main issues for myself, from what I can remember being my low iron level, being GBS positive, and my son wanting to be in a weird position for the majority of my pregnancy till it was close to go time.

Time flew by and before I knew it it was the beginning of February and it was time for me to go on maternity leave. I had planned to be off for only two weeks before I had hoped to give birth to my son as I knew that I would go crazy if I didn’t have anything to do beside putter around at home. It was going alright at first, I would go to the weekly mom group in Abbotsford and chat with other pregnant people and have delicious food! Then I would hangout with my boyfriend and go for walks with him in the evening or hang out with my bestie or my mom.

A week before our due dates, my bestie and I were doing a lap around Mill Lake and chatting away about how it was coming up so fast and how we were so pregnant and stuff. She mentioned how her provider was saying that at the end of the week if she wanted she could be induced (at 39 weeks). I didn’t think much about it at the time and we said see ya later with hopefully babies.

Next thing you know later on that week, I get a text from her room mate that my best friend is in labour. All I could think was “Damn she got induced and didn’t want to stay pregnant (and miserable) with me!” I was wrong she went into labour naturally and had her baby girl a week before our due dates.

Counted down the days…

So now my mind is playing the deadline game, as I just wanted it to be over and see my baby.

At my 40 week midwife appointment, I remember that I asked them that if I got to 41 weeks to put me on that induction list because I can not mentally handle this anymore. It was definitely a mental trial that I was aware that could happen but not aware of how hard it would be to go through personally.

We walked around so many places (Walmart, Chilliwack Expo park, my neighbourhood, etc.) I believe my husband was tired of me being pregnant too, because we couldn’t watch anything with babies in it due to me getting obsessed with how cute they were (Baby Yoda!).

Laying on a stretcher in triage, happy to start the process finally!

Finally it came to 41 weeks and at that point I had an NST (non-stress test) to check if baby was doing alright and an ultrasound to check the amniotic fluid levels. So I was at least aware that they were doing alright. I was then told that I was going to be put on the induction list as per my request but because my pregnancy was unproblematic I should expect to be bumped to the next day. However I still had to be up to receive the call, to see if I was going to be brought in. I recommend that if you are to be induced that you assign your partner or a family member that is going to be your ride to take the calls and then wake you if it is time to go (if that is possible). The reason why if because they will most likely call you at 7:30am or later to tell you if you are in or not and I don’t know about you but at 41 weeks I was not a morning lark…

March 7th - Finally got the answer that I was waiting for after almost 3 days. They told me to come in for 9:30am that day. Arrived at the hospital and got assessed by the midwife and the midwife student. They inserted the cervidil and then hooked me up to the NST machine to check on how Jack was handling the intrusion. Lucky my mom was the one that was hanging out with me there and she came back with a treat while we waited the two hours. That went well and then we were sent home around 12pm to start labour at home. I was able to rest for a little bit but then I started to feel cramping around my back (felt like I was having diarrhea pains) on and off. Eventually it hurt to stand, so my partner took a video of me crawling very slowly to the bathroom as I thought I had to have a really bad poo. Luckily I was able to have a semi decent sleep that night

March 8th - Woke up and went back to the hospital around 9:30 am again for another assessment. I believe I dilated one or so centimeters if anything. They then inserted another dose of cervidil and reminded me of when to call the midwife and come back in. This time though we had a bit of a longer time being on the NST as Jack was being a bit off. He cleared up and then we were sent home. It wasn’t long though till we came back around 6pm, as I was unable to cope with the back labour. I wasn’t able to get any rest and no position was comfortable. The midwife met my mom and I at the hospital and gave me some gravol and morphine, then did another NST. We left around 8pmish and I remember asking my mom to avoid the bumps on the road as we drove home.

Blurry photo of one of the few positions that kind of helped with the back labour.

Once we arrived home and were starting to settle, I leaned over the couch and then heard a pop and then felt a gush… My water had broke!

I told my partner to go get my mom as she was our ride, and he rushed to the bottom of their stairs and yelled “SANDRA!!!” I started laughing, as my mom came down panicking but then realized nothing was majorly wrong. She then called the midwife as we were instructed to go to the hospital when my water broke (due to being GBS positive) so they could start the IV antibiotics.

We made our way back over and then met up with the new midwife on call (thankfully the student was still there) and she then double checked that it was amniotic fluid that was coming out. They also took out the cervidil insertion as well. I was admitted and brought over to my room for my stay. Contractions were starting to get worse and I was feeling like I had to push but I knew at the time that it was too early.

Around 1130pm - I started trying laughing gas to help with the contractions and back pain. However that started to make me feel like I was losing control. Due to this I then asked for an epidural. In amongst all of this, my mom went out to look for food and I also asked for her to get coffee for the nurses. She came back just in time to see me get an epidural, so she turned right back out the room. Apparently she could hear me groaning on the complete other side of the unit.

March 9th, 12:30 am - I finally got comfy with a peanut ball between my legs and a catheter (my new fashion accessory). Then they started having a hard time keeping track of Jack’s heartrate with contractions. It started accelerating with each contraction. They then asked if they would be allowed to put a internal fetal monitor into his scalp. I agreed envisioning a sticker or something being put on him, but looking back it was screwed into his scalp…

1:00 am - With the internal fetal monitor in, they then identified that Jack was not doing so good and they brought the OB (obstetrician) in to discuss my options looking forward. The OB stated that he could either try using forceps to assist with bringing Jack out or we could make our way down to the OR for a c-section. I did not want a c-section at all, so I said I wanted to try birthing with the forceps. Then it was all a blur of them rushing to get ready for the birth. The pediatrician was called as well, to be there in case Jack needed any help.

Legs up ready to push

2:00 am - Go time! Gave a trial push with my partner at my side, and the OB said that it wasn’t enough and if I pushed like that again it would mean I would be going for a c-section. In response to that, I then pushed with all my might and at 2:15 am Jack was born with 3 pushes on my back.

He was brought out not crying and they laid him on me for a brief moment to see if that would stimulate him enough but it didn’t. They then took him to the warmer across the room and the pediatrician and a nurse then cleared out his airways and put him on some oxygen. Meanwhile, when Jack came out, a big gush of blood followed and missed the catch bucket. My partner noticed this and then started to look a bit pale, a nurse pointed that out and brought him aside with a snack. My mom then took over being beside me.

Jack in the assessment cot

I didn’t fully realize what was happening with Jack. I remember asking and no one letting me know. All the nurses were either preoccupied with Jack or the charting. The midwife and the student midwife as well as the OB, were then focused on me birthing the placenta and then suturing me up. I was so numbed out down there from the epidural that I didn’t feel anything, which was a blessing. I had ended up with a 3rd degree tear.

Once Jack was able to breath, he gave a big cry from the warmer. They then brought him back to me and my partner and I started crying. Everyone started to clear out of the room, leaving my little family, my mom and the midwives. After it settled the midwives then started doing the initial look over of Jack, making sure that he was perfect and seeing how much he weighed.

The midwives couldn’t believe how big he was!

5:00am - By now our room was cleaned and the room was made into a postpartum room. Mom had left to get sleep and my partner was passed out on the extra lounge chair. The pediatrician had put in an order for Jack’s sugars to be checked (they were done twice) and both results ended up being too low. The nurse let the pediatrician know and he told her then that he had to be admitted to the NICU to be observed for a little bit.

6:00 am - The nurse took Jack to the NICU gave report and then came back to grab me in a wheelchair to bring me over for a quick visit. They had him in an incubator and it was not a sight I was prepared for. Jack had an IV on his little wrist and he was the biggest baby in there.

Little Jack having some milk.

From that point on, I was back and forth from the NICU and the maternity unit every 2 hours. The days and nights were blending together but the nurses there were amazing support and were a major part of starting my breastfeeding journey with Jack. I was discharged the day after giving birth to Jack and was given the option to stay with him if I wanted in the Care by Parent room, but I decided to go home and have hopefully a long period of sleep. It was weird not coming home with Jack, my mom had wrote “Welcome home Jack” on the bedroom door and I saw that and started crying.

The next day, my mom dropped me off bright and early to spend the day at the NICU with Jack. I told myself that I needed to nap at least once while I was there. That didn’t end up happening as I was not wanting to leave his side at all except to go to the bathroom. This was when I started to realize that I was starting to not feel like myself or recognize myself in the bathroom mirror because of the lack of sleep in probably 5 days. I luckily saw the social worker that day and she connected me with postpartum mental health supports as I was concerned that I would be at risk of developing postpartum depression.

Later on Jack was discharged from the NICU and my mom and Chase came to pick us up. It was a relief to have us all home for the first time. Yet that night was the worst ever…

Walking down the hallway towards the exit..

From what I remember I started to get angry with Jack that night(as he was cluster feeding) cause he wasn’t letting me sleep. I was starting to get the thought of bashing his head on the edge of our bed frame. Luckily Chase was there and I left the room crying hysterically. I then remember curling up in the rocking chair crying that “I wanted my mommy”. I am so greatful that she was upstairs and I called her at 3am asking her to come down. I explained to her what was going on and she was unsure what to do so she called 811. The nurse on the phone told her that if I tried to physically harm myself or the baby or anyone to call 911 but in the meantime make sure that I get as much rest as I could. So she sent me to bed once I calmed down and I believe at one point Chase had grabbed some formula for Jack to eat as I did not pump anything extra.

Chase and my mom took turns for the rest of that morning to feed Jack every 2 hours like the NICU nurses and doctor told us to. Because of that I was able to get a good 4 hours of solid sleep. Later that day the midwife came for their first (and only) postpartum visit, and Jack had gained weight. We also found out that my breastmilk had fully came out, which was another reason for the horrible night (the crazy hormones.) Chase had also dressed up Jack in the cutest bear onesie that my aunt and uncle gave us, which warmed up my heart.

Jack in his bear onesie probably thinking “what the f*** did you put me in!?”

My grandparents came to visit and were our only visitors till June, as the week after we arrived home, the COVID quarantine had been enstated. So no visitors and then no more follow up appointments with the midwife and the OB. The quarantine was both a blessing and a curse, I am sure that I would have been overwhelmed as a first time mom with all the visitors if we weren’t in lockdown. At the same time, it was incredibly isolating, if I didn’t live with my parents I would have not come out of that period as well as I did. I also did not have all the things that I needed for baby care, as I had listened to my mom who told me to wait for the baby shower (we have ours after baby is born so that everyone can meet them.)